Doctor, Dentist, and Midwife

After several bouts with extreme facial pain in the last few years, I have finally accepted that I have, as the old guy in The Avengers said to the Hulk, a “condition”. More specifically, I have a condition of the nerves, called trigeminal neuralgia.

Basically, this means I have an electrical problem in my face. When the nerves “short out” so to speak, they send pain signals to the brain, for no reason whatsoever. This means that the entire nerve network on the right side of my can basically suddenly flare up, and cause severe pain, from the top of my head, all the way down into my neck.

                     Yep, pretty much all of that hurts

I have, as I am wont to do, researched this particular condition ever since I began suspecting that I had it, and I have found one consistent theme running throughout the information that is available about trigeminal neuralgia. Unfortunately, that theme is that there is no consistency in treatment of TN.

When I began researching TN, I also soon found out two things about the condition that...well, let's just say they weren't encouraging. The first little bit of info, which I had already discovered on my own, was that most regular pain medications, such as ibuprofen, Tylenol, and even Vicodin, don't have much of an effect on pain from TN. They will sometimes take the edge off, but that's about it.

The second little tidbit, was the fact that TN has a fun, happy little nickname. It's sometimes called th “suicide disease”. Oh joy! Sounds absolutely delightful, doesn't it?

The thing is, the pain it causes is so chronic, and so hard quench, even with high-powered narcotics, that after a few nights spent sitting in a recliner, unable to sleep because of the pain, depression sets in very quickly. The depression comes from a feeling of helplessness, because the pain very quickly lets you know that it will come and go on its own terms...you have no say in the matter.

I had some success treating the condition with B12 shots and keeping it at bay by taking B12 orally, but this last flare-up finally convinced me to go see a doctor. She put me on a 5-day cycle of Prednazone. This seemed to work for a while, but the 5 days were soon up, and the pain immediately came roaring back. Phase 2, which I started a few days ago, was an anti-seizure medication called Epitol, or Carbomazapine, which was given to me with an absolutely delightful list of side effects. I haven't suffered any of the side effects yet, but on the downside, I also haven't felt any benefits from it, either.

I have had one of my worst days with the disease so far today, which brings me to the title of my post. I have, so far today, spoken to a dentist, about the possibility of an infection causing the current flare-up, a doctor about why the drugs aren't working yet, and a midwife, about scoring some more B12 shots in hopes of calming the raging nerves causing my pain.

I realize that there are worse conditions, and people that are suffering much more than I am...please don't mistake my writing this post as a plea for sympathy, but as a cathartic exercise, and possibly a way of connecting with other people that have or have had, this condition.

If you, or anyone you knows suffers from this condition, I would be very interested in talking to other people who have gone through the same thing.

Thanks for reading, and as always, feel free to comment below.

God Bless!

My List

Where has the truth gone? This question has been nibbling at the corners of my mind for a long time now.

I see the things happening in our government that makes me want to scream and shout from the rooftops, “How can you be so blind?”, but instead I just whisper to myself, “Where has the truth gone?”

Not Me

I wonder if the problem is with the government, but then, I look at society at large, the 24-hour entertainment news cycle, the uninformed voter bloc that seems to make up the biggest majority of voters in the country that accept, at face value whatever is spewed at them by the press. I look at the people commenting on things on the internet, and the volumes of negativity that pours from people's keyboards, tearing down anyone from any party or group which they are “supposed” to dislike, regardless of if they're speaking the truth or not.

An Internet troll (interwebus stupidus) in his natural habitat

 I look at all this, and again, I murmur,”Where has the truth gone?”

So maybe the problem is with society, the culture? Partly, I suppose. But then, I look at the center of the communities: the churches. I see, on ones side, the super-traditionalists, the ones that believe in rules over religion, so to speak, the ones that believe that the Gospel can only be held at the point of authoritarianism. The ones that punish people for what is on the outside, while the inside rots away from lack of sustenance. I know this type of church very well, and can attest to the fact that a system like that almost unavoidably is taken over by the corrupt, the power-hungry among them. And, lest I am misquoted, let me point out that this is an indictment of individual churches from almost any denomination, not any specific denomination.

I look across the aisle then, at the churches that are caving to the pressures of the aforementioned society, forsaking certain parts of scripture because they just aren't “cool” or politically correct anymore. The ones that say we no longer need to preach certain parts of the Bible, because it's more convenient to believe we don't need to strive to not sin, but are “automatically” exempt thereof once we say the magic words. The ones that cherry pick Bible verses in order to push their agenda that a saved person no longer needs to be accountable for their actions. 

I look at these different sides of the religious spectrum, sigh, and again, wonder, “Where has the truth gone?”

Then, I start putting two and two together, and I have to think about what one of the ministers in our church points out a lot, and that is the fact that changes in society start first in the churches...if the churches stray from the Word, and become corrupt, it will bleed into culture and society at large. I would take that a step further and say it begins with the individual within the church.

I don't presume to know what the answer is in all these situations... Lord knows I have my own personal battles to fight, and I'm guessing I have, throughout my life, contributed more to the problems than the solutions. I can only know what I need to do, to do my part.

I made a list (for you super organized melancholy personalities out there) of what I need to do to help change myself, and thus the culture:

1. Give people the benefit of the doubt. Not everyone I disagree with is stupid...they may just be viewing things from a different perspective.

2. Keep my commitments. This can be a tough one for me...I always mean what I say, at the time I say it, but then, with the passage of time, the commitment can become less and less important to me

3. Never seek to humiliate anyone in front of other people. If I have a problem with someone, I will try to speak with them privately. This includes correcting other people, even if I know they're wrong. Another toughie...nothing feels better than setting the record straight, then and there. But unless the information this person is giving is dangerously misleading, either physically or spiritually, usually there's no harm in letting them be wrong...at least until I can discuss it privately. I might even find they aren't wrong after all, when I'm presented with new information.

4. Try to focus more on what other people need, rather than what I need

5. Let myself be happy. Lately, I've found I don't look forward to things as much as I used to, and I get less enjoyment out of them as well. Maybe if I realize that even though it feels like the world is going somewhere I can't mention, in a handbasket, happiness is still a state of mind. In the words of Roger Miller: “You can't rollerskate in a buffalo herd, but you can be happy if you've a mind to!” And now, you have that song stuck in your head. You're welcome.

This is just the top 5 from my list. I may publish an extension at some point. But please realize, that this is my personal list. It's things that I truly hope to change about myself, not a list I made to try to change you, or you, or you. If you gain some insight from it, so much the better, but your own list might look very different from my own. I will be even happier if this list inspires someone to write their own.

I will close this post with a quote that's a particular favorite of mine...it was originally said to have been written by an unnamed monk, sometime in the 1100's, but it stands as true today as ever, as all great quotes do:

When I was a young man, I wanted to change the world.
I found it was difficult to change the world, so I tried to change my nation.
When I found I couldn't change the nation, I began to focus on my town. I couldn't change the town and as an older man, I tried to change my family.
Now, as an old man, I realize the only thing I can change is myself, and suddenly I realize that if long ago I had changed myself, I could have made an impact on my family. My family and I could have made an impact on our town. Their impact could have changed the nation and I could indeed have changed the world.

God Bless, and keep pursuing the truth.

THE GODS OF THE COPYBOOK HEADINGS

I've had a poem on my mind recently. This is kind of unusual, since I'm not a huge poetry buff, really. Oh, I do enjoy a good rhyme on occasion, usually when it's put to music, but I couldn't sit here and quote Dickinson, or Whitman, or other poets to you.

I was introduced to a poem a while ago, though, that has stuck in my mind. I think mostly for its prophetic nature, and the way that it captures what is consistently happening in our culture, and even in our churches today.

This poem is called “The Gods of the Copybook Headings” by Rudyard Kipling. The “copybook headings” referred to in the poem, are the proverbs and maxims, that long-ago schoolchildren had to copy over and over again in their copybooks. In the poem, Kipling uses the term, “the gods of the copybook headings” for common sense, and the values and principles that people used to live their lives by.

THE GODS OF THE COPYBOOK HEADINGS

As I pass through my incarnations in every age and race,
I make my proper prostrations to the Gods of the Market Place.
Peering through reverent fingers I watch them flourish and fall,
And the Gods of the Copybook Headings, I notice, outlast them all.

We were living in trees when they met us. They showed us each in turn
That Water would certainly wet us, as Fire would certainly burn:
But we found them lacking in Uplift, Vision and Breadth of Mind,
So we left them to teach the Gorillas while we followed the March of Mankind.

We moved as the Spirit listed. They never altered their pace,
Being neither cloud nor wind-borne like the Gods of the Market Place;
But they always caught up with our progress, and presently word would come
That a tribe had been wiped off its icefield, or the lights had gone out in Rome.

With the Hopes that our World is built on they were utterly out of touch,
They denied that the Moon was Stilton; they denied she was even Dutch;
They denied that Wishes were Horses; they denied that a Pig had Wings;
So we worshipped the Gods of the Market Who promised these beautiful things.

When the Cambrian measures were forming, They promised perpetual peace.
They swore, if we gave them our weapons, that the wars of the tribes would cease.
But when we disarmed They sold us and delivered us bound to our foe,
And the Gods of the Copybook Headings said: "Stick to the Devil you know."

On the first Feminian Sandstones we were promised the Fuller Life
(Which started by loving our neighbour and ended by loving his wife)
Till our women had no more children and the men lost reason and faith,
And the Gods of the Copybook Headings said: "The Wages of Sin is Death."

In the Carboniferous Epoch we were promised abundance for all,
By robbing selected Peter to pay for collective Paul;
But, though we had plenty of money, there was nothing our money could buy,
And the Gods of the Copybook Headings said: "If you don't work you die."

Then the Gods of the Market tumbled, and their smooth-tongued wizards withdrew
And the hearts of the meanest were humbled and began to believe it was true
That All is not Gold that Glitters, and Two and Two make Four—
And the Gods of the Copybook Headings limped up to explain it once more.

As it will be in the future, it was at the birth of Man—
There are only four things certain since Social Progress began:—
That the Dog returns to his Vomit and the Sow returns to her Mire,
And the burnt Fool's bandaged finger goes wabbling back to the Fire;

And that after this is accomplished, and the brave new world begins
When all men are paid for existing and no man must pay for his sins,
As surely as Water will wet us, as surely as Fire will burn,
The Gods of the Copybook Headings with terror and slaughter return!

Now, I realize that this is not strictly a Christian poem, but I believe it has a lot of value for the Christian to read. I've had numerous discussions recently about the “old ways” so to speak, and many people, even Christians are challenging closely held Christian beliefs.

Oh, I'm not talking about challenging man-made traditions and rules in churches... no, I'm referring to challenging the very foundations of Christianity itself...I'm talking about an insidious belief that all sins are automatically forgiven, and that once we are saved we will always be saved. I get the impression that some people believe they are too “enlightened” to believe in a bunch of dusty old Bible verses from ancient times.

And so, they try justify them out of existence. Usually by saying things like “Oh, Jesus was talking to (insert group of people from the Bible) and He didn't really mean us!”

The Bible wasn't written by chance, it was written with a succinct purpose in mind...every word was meant to be there....every word is there for a reason.

There are a lot of other things happening in the country right now that this poem could apply to as well. Such as:

“They swore, if we gave them our weapons, that the wars of the tribes would cease. But when we disarmed They sold us and delivered us bound to our foe,” (That ring any bells, anyone? Any at all?)

I would like to get into that, and a few other lines a little bit more, but I'm running out of time, and I think I smell popcorn, so I won't today, but I will let Glenn Beck explain it further. (below)

As always, feel free to share your thoughts and feelings in the comments below.

God Bless!

Welcome Aboard

After not writing a regular blog for a long period of time, I have decided to once again return to the blogosphere (blogoverse?). This decision comes, as you might imagine, after literally minutes of careful consideration and thought. I always like to think things through!

My reasons for trying my hand at writing a regular, or knowing me, semi-regular, blog are many and varied. Some are even personal. But the main reason, is probably the same reason a lot of writers choose to write blogs...because I have things to say. Now, the things I have to say may not always be intelligent. They may not even be interesting to anyone other than myself. But since this is, after all, my blog, I can write them anyway.

I will try, in all seriousness, to remain truthful in my writing, except for the odd instance of hyperbole and slight exaggeration for literary effect of course. And if I write a fictitious short story, which I may do from time to time, I will label it as such.

I have strong opinions about various subjects, and I'm sure some of my views will, from time to time cause someone who reads them to become offended, disgusted, angry, sanctimonious, or otherwise affected in a negative manner. This is not my intent, but it very well may happen. If that's the case, feel free to comment in the comment section below, and tell me about how horrible a person I am, and why I should be banned from the Interwebs for ever. After careful consideration of your feelings, I will either change my evil ways, open a dialogue with you, or ignore you, depending on the mood I'm in.

As a writer, I do enjoy feedback, preferably positive, but negative as well, especially if it's constructive. So again, if you enjoy something, agree with something, or just want to say “Heeyyyy!” please comment below. I enjoy corresponding with new people, and hearing other people's opinions and views, even if I may disagree.

And if you do enjoys something I wrote, please share it with your friends, via whatever medium you choose. I, and I believe most writers, would agree, hate writing things that no one reads.

So, if by some strange chance, you would like to read more random ramblings from the mind of that one Amish guy from Berne, please spread the word with your friends. I would be eternally grateful.